She goes to nursery school from early in the morning to about 4:00 PM. During school she wears her underwear, and urinates in the bathroom with no problems, but she hold the #2 until she gets home and gets a pull-up.
I have tried withholding the pull-ups when she asks for them but she just cries and holds it. I have sat in the bathroom with her so that she doesn't feel lonely, but she won't go. I have a four year old son who was fully potty trained when he was two years old. Do you have any suggestions? Soraya, New York City
A. This is a very common situation for potty training children, who may quickly learn to urinate in the potty, but are hesitant to bowel movements there. Instead of thinking about it as a problem though, it is better to consider it to be a normal part of potty training. Which means that you just aren't done yet...
To help your child learn to poop on the potty, you should first make sure that she isn't constipated. If she has bowel movements that are sometimes big, hard and painful to pass, then she may just be afraid to use the potty to have her BMs. Increasing the amount of fluid and fiber in her diet, and perhaps using a stool softener, can help make her bowel movements softer and easier to pass if this is a problem.
If constipation isn't a problem, or if it is and you have fixed it, then the following tips may help to get her to have regular bowel movements on the potty:
- Continue to let her have bowel movements in her pull-up, but then empty her poop into the potty to show her where it goes. You can then remind her that 'poop goes in the potty.'
- Encourage her to have her bowel movements in the bathroom, even if that means having her sit in the corner of the bathroom and going in her pull-up. Once she gets used to that, then have her sit on the potty in her pull-up when she has to go. The next step might be to undo the pull-up and then eventually take it off. Some people also cut a hole in the pull-up, so that she is still going while wearing it, but her poop falls in the potty.
- Read children's story books about potty training to her, such as Everyone Poops or The Princess and the Potty, to help get her used to the idea of pooping in the potty.
- Offer lots of praise when she does make some progress, whether it is emptying her pull-up in the potty or going in the bathroom.
Most importantly, don't shame or punish her for not having bowel movements on the potty. As you found when you withheld her pull-up, this can quickly turn into a big power struggle, which will make your training even more difficult. If she isn't ready to go on the potty and doesn't have a pull-up, then she will likely either hold it until she becomes constipated or begin to have accidents in her underwear.
She is also likely too young to be given responsibility for cleaning out her underwear and washing up on her own, a method that sometimes works for older children.
And remember that 3 isn't a magic age where everyone is potty trained. Many children aren't fully potty trained until they are 3 1/2 or 4 years old.