In general, some tips on dealing with your child's fears include:
- Respect your child's feelings and fears. It is not helpful to use put downs, such as 'your being a baby for being afraid of that,' or to try and ignore the things that he is afraid of.
- Ask him why he is afraid and then talk about it. This can be especially helpful if there was a triggering event.
- Don't be overprotective and let him avoid all of the things that he is afraid of, but you also don't want to try and force your child into doing something he is afraid to do.
- Don't overreact, so that your extra attention reinforces your child's reactions.
- Give your child support as he learns to master his fears. For example, if your child is afraid of starting a new school, you should be empathetic by saying things like 'I know you are scared of starting a new school and you are probably worried about making new friends, but I think you will feel much better once you get started' and talk to him about the things that he is afraid of. Remind him that he has always made friends before and provide encouragement once he starts school. It may also be helpful to model or role play how to go up to and introduce himself to new people.
- Remind him of other things or times in the past that he was afraid of, and for which he is no longer has fears.
- Again, reassure and comfort your child as you help him to face his fears. In the long run, it is also not helpful to teach your child that it is alright to avoid everything that he is afraid of.
Dr. Coleman advises against saying things like, "Try to forget about it,' or 'don't worry. You'll be fine.' Instead, encourage your child to talk about his fears and feelings.
After the event, stick to your child's usual schedule and routines as much as possible.
It may also be helpful to allow your child to 'do something' to help victims or their families, which can include donating part of their allowance to the American Red Cross or other relief agencies, lighting a candle, saying a prayer, or going to a church service or prayer group.
Symptoms to watch for that may indicate that your child is having problems, including posttraumatic stress disorder, and needs additional, or even professional, help include any changes in your child's temperament or personality, such as being more quite, fearful, anxious, etc., bedwetting, having nightmares, behavioral problems and fighting, loss of appetite, trouble sleeping and physical complaints, such as headaches and stomach-aches.
Although it is not really possible to totally prepare your child to deal with such a tragedy, the best way to help your child and give him the resources to cope with such a traumatic event is to provide him with a safe, supportive and loving home enviornment.
Also keep in mind that your child will take many cues from how you yourself deal with such a stressful situation. If you are overly anxious or afraid, or take the opposite approach and hide your feelings, then your child will likely do the same. Dr. Laura Chiang, a Pediatrician in Dallas advises that, 'It is okay to let your children see you cry, but don't show your fear.' Remember, that as in most other things, you are a role model for your children.
