Whether it is a school shooting, natural disaster, such as an earthquake, tsunami or hurricane, or a terrorist bombing, special attention must be paid to our children to help them cope and understand what is happening.
This same understanding applies to the current H1N1 swine flu pandemic.
School closings, news reports of widespread cases around the world, and images of people wearing masks to avoid getting sick, may leave a lot of kids scared, especially if they end up getting diagnosed with the swine flu themselves.
How your child deals with what could be a stressful event, like the swine flu pandemic, depends a lot on his age and his overall temperament. A child who is already fearful and anxious will likely have a harder time than other children. Also, a child that has dealt with a recent loss, such as a death in the family, a divorce or other trauma will also likely have more problems.
Talking to Kids About Swine Flu
How to help your child cope and understand such a stressful event depends on your child's age. For younger children, especially toddlers and preschool age children, it may be best to just insulate your child from the events. Turn off the television or restrict access to channels with news coverage. Many pictures on TV are too graphic for younger children. Even older children should not be allowed to watch news coverage by themselves. Instead, allow older children to watch a limited amount of television coverage while accompanied by an adult who can talk about what has happened with the child.
If your younger child has a question, you shouldn't ignore it though. Instead, provide age appropriate and limited facts. If you think your child wants more details, consider asking a follow up question or wait for him to ask additional questions. It is important that your child feels like he has the ability to talk about his fears and worries if he wants to.
While older children will likely have more questions, you shouldn't assume that your child wants a lot of details. It is usually better to find out what your child already knows about swine flu, ask open-ended questions and follow your child's cues to see how much he wants to talk. If your child doesn't seem to want to talk, you can just offer a simple explanation about the swine flu pandemic and ask if he has any questions or ask a follow up question later.
It can also help to:
- stick to your normal daily routines as much as possible
- teach your kids how they can increase their chances of avoiding the H1N1 swine flu by washing their hands often with soap and water and encourage them to avoid touching their eyes, nose, and mouth, or putting things in their mouth, such as their pen or pencil
- let them know that most people who do get the H1N1 swine flu get mild symptoms and get better in five to seven days
- get your kids vaccinated with a seasonal flu vaccine now and the 2009 H1N1 swine flu vaccine when it becomes available in October
In addition to grief and fear of getting sick themselves, children can also be faced with the fear of losing a parent. Some difficult questions that may come up and which you should be prepared to answer include: 'will I die?' or 'will mommy or daddy die?.' It is important to be direct and honest. You can tell him that people normally don't die until they are very old, even if they get sick with the swine flu, and reassure him that while everyone does die, you will all live a long time.
In general, some tips on dealing with your child's fears include:
- Respect your child's feelings and fears. It is not helpful to use put downs, such as 'your being a baby for being afraid of that,' or to try and ignore the things that he is afraid of.
- Ask him why he is afraid and then talk about it.
- Don't be overprotective and let him avoid all of the things that he is afraid of, but you also don't want to try and force your child into doing something he is afraid to do.
- Don't overreact, so that your extra attention reinforces your child's reactions.
- Give your child support as he learns to master his fears. For example, if your child is afraid of starting a new school, you should be empathetic by saying things like 'I know you are scared of starting a new school and you are probably worried about making new friends, but I think you will feel much better once you get started' and talk to him about the things that he is afraid of. Remind him that he has always made friends before and provide encouragement once he starts school. It may also be helpful to model or role play how to go up to and introduce himself to new people.
- Remind him of other things or times in the past that he was afraid of, and for which he is no longer has fears.
- Again, reassure and comfort your child as you help him to face his fears. In the long run, it is also not helpful to teach your child that it is alright to avoid everything that he is afraid of.
Dr. Paul Coleman, who wrote the book How to Say It to Your Kids, advises against saying things like, "Try to forget about it,' or 'don't worry. You'll be fine.' Instead, encourage your child to talk about his fears and feelings.
If your child seems to be extremely upset or worried about Swine Flu, watch for signs that indicate the need for additional, or even professional, help. These include any changes in your child's temperament or personality, such as being more quiet, fearful, anxious, bedwetting, having nightmares, behavioral problems and fighting, loss of appetite, trouble sleeping and physical complaints, such as headaches and stomach-aches. These could be signs of posttraumatic stress disorder or other psychiatric conditions.
Sources:
CDC. Advice for Parents on Talking to Children About Novel H1N1 Flu (Formerly Swine Flu) Concerns. Accessed September 2009.
http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/talkingtokids.htm
